Hello, everyone! There's so much to say, considering this is my first post in months, but I want to start off with what's been on my desk...for the past week. Because midterms ended last week, and I finally decided to clear my desk of all the spare mountains of papers. (Problems of being a writer..and dealing with a hell load of assignments)
I stitched booklets on New Year's Eve as I was too busy to leisurely shop for the best planner to use, and I needed something quick and non-bulky to carry in my bag and write in when needed. This notebook size is smaller than a5, and feels fine to write in.
This was a first page I did..I was inspired by a sketch on Deviantart and decided to freehand a similar one. There's a polar bear in the drawing, which isn't visible in this photo.
Also..I'm taking a Japanese course and we're given worksheets that Japanese elementary school kid would get. They're really cute, but there are so many characters to memorize and there's already so much to do in my schedule.
Ah, every year I've thought about keeping a memory jar, but I either forget or don't have time to follow through with it. I grabbed a mason jar and decorated it a bit on New Year's Eve, including one of my favorite quotes. I've kept up with finding things that make me happy--or just memorable days, scrawling it down on a piece of index card, and sealing it with washi. I can't wait to see the jar fill up over the 2016 year, and to then open each one on December 31th this year.
Also, if you didn't notice the composition notebook in the photo, I'm pointing it out now. That was my book for NaNoWrimo. I decided to follow through with it for November, but you can understand how busy November was..and thus, I was devastated when I didn't finish writing my novel by then. So, on New Year's, I was frantically trying to finish it. I didn't, and I had major hand cramping. But, I wanted to finish it by January 18th, and I did.
Guys, this is a major accomplishment for me. You may know how much I love to write, but I had never finished writing a full novel. Now I have, and maybe it's crap strewn together without chapters, but it kept going and that's what NaNoWrimo is, sleepless nights with coffee and cramping hands and a book you just don't give up on because you can't. Ah, bliss.
And...I found a few Magnificat books that my mom had. Let me tell you, these books are amazing. There's something about those super-thin fluttery pages and those words, words of God and people inspired by God and this overwhelming sense of inspiration, and books like these calm my anxious mind and heart. I love, love this excerpt from one of Ann Voskamp's books. Her writing is breathless, and I haven't read One Thousand Gifts, but I'm planning on doing so. I don't want that read to be something rushed, I want it to be something I can slowly enjoy. Writing like hers deserves that.
Really, when I cleared my desk and felt like trying to cutely organize my things, even I was surprised. I haven't been into "cute" things for the longest time. Only because there's no time to make stuff anymore, like craft and sew, so I only snatch moments of the day to write.
Anyway, on to the reason why I haven't been posting in such a long time is because I'm indecisive about life, and I'm so stressed and exhausted. That's that in a fishbowl. I could go on, but I have a feeling all my previous posts have been about me feeling stressed and busy and so on. And I know you have your own lives and issues and you feel overwhelmed a lot, too.
But you know what? I realize that I am breathing today and I can feel myself breathing and somehow this body that will feel crippled or tired or worthless sometimes is fighting to keep me alive because it's reminding me that life is valuable and something to fight for is and I am breathing today and that's a miracle in itself.
Sometimes you just have to breathe and listen to yourself breathe.