Thursday, January 28, 2016

what's on my desk and my mind

Hello, everyone! There's so much to say, considering this is my first post in months, but I want to start off with what's been on my desk...for the past week. Because midterms ended last week, and I finally decided to clear my desk of all the spare mountains of papers. (Problems of being a writer..and dealing with a hell load of assignments)

I stitched booklets on New Year's Eve as I was too busy to leisurely shop for the best planner to use, and I needed something quick and non-bulky to carry in my bag and write in when needed. This notebook size is smaller than a5, and feels fine to write in. 

This was a first page I did..I was inspired by a sketch on Deviantart and decided to freehand a similar one. There's a polar bear in the drawing, which isn't visible in this photo.

Also..I'm taking a Japanese course and we're given worksheets that Japanese elementary school kid would get. They're really cute, but there are so many characters to memorize and there's already so much to do in my schedule.

Ah, every year I've thought about keeping a memory jar, but I either forget or don't have time to follow through with it. I grabbed a mason jar and decorated it a bit on New Year's Eve, including one of my favorite quotes. I've kept up with finding things that make me happy--or just memorable days, scrawling it down on a piece of index card, and sealing it with washi. I can't wait to see the jar fill up over the 2016 year, and to then open each one on December 31th this year.

Also, if you didn't notice the composition notebook in the photo, I'm pointing it out now. That was my book for NaNoWrimo. I decided to follow through with it for November, but you can understand how busy November was..and thus, I was devastated when I didn't finish writing my novel by then.  So, on New Year's, I was frantically trying to finish it. I didn't, and I had major hand cramping. But, I wanted to finish it by January 18th, and I did.

Guys, this is a major accomplishment for me. You may know how much I love to write, but I had never finished writing a full novel. Now I have, and maybe it's crap strewn together without chapters, but it kept going and that's what NaNoWrimo is, sleepless nights with coffee and cramping hands and a book you just don't give up on because you can't. Ah, bliss.

And...I found a few Magnificat books that my mom had. Let me tell you, these books are amazing. There's something about those super-thin fluttery pages and those words, words of God and people inspired by God and this overwhelming sense of inspiration, and books like these calm my anxious mind and heart. I love, love this excerpt from one of Ann Voskamp's books. Her writing is breathless, and I haven't read One Thousand Gifts, but I'm planning on doing so. I don't want that read to be something rushed, I want it to be something I can slowly enjoy. Writing like hers deserves that.

Really, when I cleared my desk and felt like trying to cutely organize my things, even I was surprised. I haven't been into "cute" things for the longest time. Only because there's no time to make stuff anymore, like craft and sew, so I only snatch moments of the day to write.

Anyway, on to the reason why I haven't been posting in such a long time is because I'm indecisive about life, and I'm so stressed and exhausted. That's that in a fishbowl. I could go on, but I have a feeling all my previous posts have been about me feeling stressed and busy and so on. And I know you have your own lives and issues and you feel overwhelmed a lot, too. 

But you know what? I realize that I am breathing today and I can feel myself breathing and somehow this body that will feel crippled or tired or worthless sometimes is fighting to keep me alive because it's reminding me that life is valuable and something to fight for is and I am breathing today and that's a miracle in itself.
Sometimes you just have to breathe and listen to yourself breathe.

with love


  1. MJ,I love this honest post, can I tell you how much I have missed you.... I saw a message come up on my phone with your name and I was so happy... I could hardly wait to read your comment... then I found out you had blogged.

    I totally understand the stress you are under, it's difficult to make time for yourself when you have so much on your plate.

    Don't forget this time will pass and be a memory... you'll get through this to the next phase of your life. Each phase has challenges which test our limits but we need to be stronger than those limits.

    You have been among one of my favorite commentors who always makes me smile, thank you ♡♡♡ (if you need to chat, you can email me at xox)

  2. It's so nice to have an update from you! I hope the midterms went great for you. I've been keeping a memory jar of sorts too, but more of a happiness jar that I write happy things in so I can open and read everything when I'm depressed.

    Congrats on finishing your book for NaNoWriMo! I look forward to seeing you back at the blogging scene!

  3. MJ it's great to see you back :-D Happy New Year :-D

    The way you are feeling will pass, just keep looking ahead :-D

  4. "I realize that I am breathing today and I can feel myself breathing" <3
    Lovely post, also your notebooks are adorable xx

  5. Your desk is lovely as are your books :)
    My daughter completed a novel during NaNoWrimo and actually got it in print...I was so proud of her.
    I wanted to try this, but have yet to.
    All you can do is live in the moment....wake up each morning, stretch, breathe and tell yourself "Hey beautiful, today is going to be a great day"

  6. I'm so happy to see that you're back! I hope that you are feeling less stressed, it's the worst feeling ♥
    Amy xx

    Little Moon Dragon

  7. Lovely photos! ♥

    Have a Fabulous Tuesday!
    xoxo Suzy ( ˘ ³˘)♥

  8. These are all so cute and artsy, dude, you're so talented. I love the idea about the whole memories jar, I tried to do a jar about things that make me happy, like "reading a book in a warm bookshop" for example, and they were all really great things that made me feel good reading back on c: (boy, that was a long sentence).

    Little Moon Elephant


Thanks so much for taking the time to really makes my day and I appreciate every single one! :)
Be sure to check back if you have a question, as I always try to reply in the comments.
Don't forget to leave your blog address behind if you're here for the first time, so that I can visit and return the love! ❤❤❤